New Week

Of not working out. X.x I know that I am the only person that can motivate me to go to the gym and it just hasn't been happening. I know I just need to go and I will...Next week. Food wise things have been tight, money and food but I'm still managing to eat healthy. Now if only I can find some snacks to put in between those meals and I'll be fine. Lol. This is going to be a short post tonight since I want to get some rest. I'm so blessed to have people that love me and a God that does too. I'm so blessed that I am on this journey to love me and that it's going better than expected. When did that happen?

Thoughts and mutterings..And saying no.

I don't even know where to begin but this weekend has been alright so far. Rest is I guess what was on the menu because I slept most of the day away. Next month I'll be 27 and it's three years from 30 and I can't even explain why I'm so excited about this number. Or just in general. Something definitely is happening to me. I didn't know I'd be this excited about rediscovering myself...But I am and it's awesome. I know it seems I am repeating myself and in a way I am. It's for my sanity's sake and one day I'll believe it all the words that I tell myself that I am. Please...Give me five words that describe me. I have to think about it. lol Moving on.

I never thought that I would have the opportunity to travel as I have in the past and present. I find that it really is in my blood and I want to see this world and this country. I wish everyone was able to do that at least once in their lives. Or at least want to travel. I think I'm alright with settling somewhere and that being my main point as I explore other areas of the world. I want to go to Ireland, Prague, South Korea, Japan, so many other places. I think in keeping with that I have gotten so much more serious about saying no. This has been a word that I can say here and there but rescind randomly and to my own detriment. For me to get further in my life I have to say no things. No to staying up late, no to spending without a plan, no to eating junk, no to not working out and ultimately no to me saying and allowing negativity around me. It's just not healthy and I don't need it anymore. No surprisingly is going to get me further than any yes ever would and it's alright. So *ahem* No, no, no, no, and no..

Whew..

What a day. So don't really try going almost six hours without food. X.x Not a good look for anyone. I totally didn't plan like I should have and I'm so bloody against fast food now that I refused to stop. That's good to a point but hungry, so very hungry for most of the evening. It's been a weird day, that has ended on a sweet, calming note. Spiritually, God has been working on my heart in the midst of my weight loss and has been uncovering things that I thought I'd dealt with. I'm realizing that I have certain fears because of my past and that those fears hinder me more than protect. I've got to let it go and am working on it but becoming that person is hard. So very hard. x.x But it has dawned on me...I don't have think I'm going to wake up one morning and be okay. And I don't have to work so HARD at it. I just need to keep moving in the right direction and going from there. It's made me feel better, well a lot better. Still stuck financially but I'm going to work on it knowing that I'm not alone in this. Not all and never again.

Tron, Sweet Potatoes, and Reawakenings

So yes to begin first I would like to say that I loved the original Tron even before there was a hint of the Tron Legacy. But when I found out that the movie was around and coming out, man I was pumped! It's beautiful and Daft Punk's work is breathtaking. I called it shiny awesome to one of my friends and it is. Go see it with no expectations. Going into a movie like that or any movie rather with some sort of expectations only sets one up for failure and dislike.

On the healthier side of things, I am so much more focused on getting to the rest of my goal. But I've had to come to terms with the fact that food was such an outlet for most if not all of my stressors. Because of this, my relationship with food and everything that surrounds it has become skewed. Over the past year it has only gotten better and I'm realizing that I need to let things go and deal with stress with other options. Writing, creating art, even cooking healthy meals has become a way of doing this. Reconnecting and actually connecting with friends that I chose to close off from for a long time have only helped. Sweet potatoes are apart of this, surprisingly as it is something that I have begun to CRAVE and want like no one's business. Lol Oh well, cupcake craving or sweet potatoes? I'll take the latter thank you.

As I'm on this journey of reshaping my body it has only dawned on my how much it has been reshaping my entire existence and the things that I have suppressed within me. The things in my life that I tried to deny, i.e. my love of traveling, giving, and actually wanting to connect are finally being allowed to shine. So much had held me back but I'm realizing that the words where there is fear there is no faith are so true. I'm being reawakened to beauty and that I have it. That I actually can be beautiful in my eyes. I'm being reawakened to the fact that I am a passionate person and that isn't a bad thing. I could go on with the things I'm discovering about myself. I like discipline more than I ever thought. I truly do care about my appearance and yes, out of all of this, suddenly it has dawned on me that I can be a priority and it not be selfish. I never thought all of this would be connected but the confidence that I'm beginning to rediscover but in a fresh and new way, is permanent. And real. I'm beginning to see glimpses of the real me and I have to admit I'm excited to me her. Hello my name is Trina. ^_^

Update

Hello and welcome to 2011!! I'm pretty excited about this year and how it's going to go. I'm not sure what's all in store, but I'm definitely trusting God for a wonderful, breathless year of awesome!

An update on the weight. So far I have lost 45pds!! This brings me to my halfway mark and to say I'm excited is an understatement. I'm honestly to excited to really speak but I know I'm just going to keep going. Slow and steady is definitely winning the race. MY bad for counting you out. Lol

Welp, I'm going to go get something yummy to eat (sweet potato and chicken anyone?) I'll be around! ^_^

trying to stay focused

And it's working! I have lost ten pounds since I have begun to eat clean and exercise. I'm pretty excited about what I'm seeing here. There are places where I feel muscle where there was fat and I can fit into a pair of jeans that I couldn't even button. I have decided that I am still not going to focus on the scale and just continue staying healthy. Unfortunately I can tell I'm the type of person that will lament over what I see on there. So I need to stay away from it. I've joined Fitness 19, I'll post the link below and have been staggering going there and to the Y in town. My membership there will expire next month but honestly I have been outside. It's been so beautiful that I've walked around the park more than I've been inside. I am making a point to get active and I just want this to continue. Even though I say this time and time again, I just feel like something clicked and I am more focused than I ever have been. I can't wait to see what I look like at the end of the month!

Veerrry Interesting

It's been a good week and for the first time I can say I've gone a full week without buying fast food and I plan to keep it that way. This whole different eating and thinking and working out thing has been different but I also feel in some ways I kind of fell into it. Because honestly its everything that I have wanted to do but honestly? Just didn't for whatever excuse. I feel like it can stick and that excites me and scares me. I have so much support now its coming out of my ears. All I can say is "Just keep going"