So much has happened between the last time I posted and now so I'll update you! First I celebrated my 27th birthday back in February and that date has marked this shifting in my heart and mind about myself. You see for what has seemed like all my life, and it has been, I've struggled with low self esteem. Even with people telling me how nice and kind I am, I just never believe it. But something changed on my birthday. I accepted it. I accepted and received the words that have been spoken over me. I made a choice in the matter, that instead of pushing away the positive and consistently and constantly bringing the negative to the forefront, I'm not going to do it anymore.
I think what has dawned on me is how much I am loved. This is cementing me in ways that even I don't understand and that's alright. I thought on this quest to find me and lose weight in the process that I wouldn't have these encounters. I thought that I was beyond all of that but it's not true. I'm different and that's alright. And the things that I am striving to do and be have been there, it's just been covered underneath layers of self-protection and hurt and pain. Me being healthy just doesn't encompass me losing weight and gaining muscle. Me being healthy is being able to look in the mirror and love the person I see. No matter what size, color, height or anything else she is.
Choices. It boils down to that. Especially for me. I'm realizing that I've made bad choices that have resulted in things being the way they are now in certain areas of my life. A lot was out of my control. But some were not. I'm not going to stare at the ice cream section and ask "Good choice? Bad choice?" all the time. Well in the case, it's always going to be bad choice because I don't like ice cream anymore, but I digress. I will deal with it as it comes but I'm tired and done with worrying about it. I'm moving forward, so forward I go.
Another thing that has really put things in perspective for me is how I am blessed to have access to healthy options. When I was on vacation, I was able to make some healthy choices and also indulge with no guilt. There really is a time and place for everything. And even at home I can make healthy choices, so I don't really have an excuse not to. Not anymore.
Vacation. I went back to Hawaii, Honolulu to be exact to visit my dear sweet sister, Asia. I had too much fun being able to connect with her and her parents that came in for the visit before she goes off to South Korea. I am crazy proud of her and excited for her too! She's such an amazing person and one day I know she will be able to see it too! So shopping, eating all kinds of Asian foods were on the list of things that I did. Resting too. Man, one night I was so exhausted and not feeling well I just slept the entire night away. That was really what I needed. I've returned after a week there rested and refreshed. It was so nice and plan to go back. Heck I might even put in for living or something. lol
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