You know it's going to be okay

And for some odd reason I know that it is. I've been looking at this whole exercise thing wrong for the last few weeks because I've been in a panic about gaining weight back. It seems whenever I am close to achieving a major goal that I kind of feel I can celebrate by going back to my old way of thinking. Mindsets are definitely a hard thing to break free from, especially if they have been unhealthy patterns. I really want to sit here and type this admitting that I'm not perfect but for the first time in weeks its alright for me to be sitting here getting back in the game and willingly admitting that I fell out of it. Small compromises are huge in the long run because they effect your game plan and the goals that you would want to achieve. For me it's been eating. Now activity is huge on my list but eating has connected to me in a way that is so unhealthy. I used it to solve my problems, sooth and relax me, food has been a drug to me. It's serious because over the past few years this is when the issue has become most evident.

I'm embarking on this new journey of self-discovery and really becoming honest with me. And you know for the first time in years making it about me. I know my path and my decisions aren't for everyone and that's okay. I love you no less but when it comes to me being healthy there will be no 'I'll do it tomorrow'. I started today. This journey about me and for me is going to be amazing and I'm finally showing up to my life. It's about time.

Been forever!

And this is why I'm not really the blog person. Lol. I have a lot on my mind and instead of writing it out I'm just holding onto it and then forgetting it a few days later. Oh well. Finally getting back into the workout mix which has been wonderful. Intervals again. I'm also getting serious about letting some behavior patterns in the form of my finances and mindsets to be changed. So far so good. o.o I'm totally surprised but the one thing I can say is that even though I haven't been motivated to do a lot of things, changing my perspective and my mindsets are still at the top. And it's been working. I'm not alone in any of this and I can move forward without the junk bogging me down anymore!

New Week

Of not working out. X.x I know that I am the only person that can motivate me to go to the gym and it just hasn't been happening. I know I just need to go and I will...Next week. Food wise things have been tight, money and food but I'm still managing to eat healthy. Now if only I can find some snacks to put in between those meals and I'll be fine. Lol. This is going to be a short post tonight since I want to get some rest. I'm so blessed to have people that love me and a God that does too. I'm so blessed that I am on this journey to love me and that it's going better than expected. When did that happen?

Thoughts and mutterings..And saying no.

I don't even know where to begin but this weekend has been alright so far. Rest is I guess what was on the menu because I slept most of the day away. Next month I'll be 27 and it's three years from 30 and I can't even explain why I'm so excited about this number. Or just in general. Something definitely is happening to me. I didn't know I'd be this excited about rediscovering myself...But I am and it's awesome. I know it seems I am repeating myself and in a way I am. It's for my sanity's sake and one day I'll believe it all the words that I tell myself that I am. Please...Give me five words that describe me. I have to think about it. lol Moving on.

I never thought that I would have the opportunity to travel as I have in the past and present. I find that it really is in my blood and I want to see this world and this country. I wish everyone was able to do that at least once in their lives. Or at least want to travel. I think I'm alright with settling somewhere and that being my main point as I explore other areas of the world. I want to go to Ireland, Prague, South Korea, Japan, so many other places. I think in keeping with that I have gotten so much more serious about saying no. This has been a word that I can say here and there but rescind randomly and to my own detriment. For me to get further in my life I have to say no things. No to staying up late, no to spending without a plan, no to eating junk, no to not working out and ultimately no to me saying and allowing negativity around me. It's just not healthy and I don't need it anymore. No surprisingly is going to get me further than any yes ever would and it's alright. So *ahem* No, no, no, no, and no..

Whew..

What a day. So don't really try going almost six hours without food. X.x Not a good look for anyone. I totally didn't plan like I should have and I'm so bloody against fast food now that I refused to stop. That's good to a point but hungry, so very hungry for most of the evening. It's been a weird day, that has ended on a sweet, calming note. Spiritually, God has been working on my heart in the midst of my weight loss and has been uncovering things that I thought I'd dealt with. I'm realizing that I have certain fears because of my past and that those fears hinder me more than protect. I've got to let it go and am working on it but becoming that person is hard. So very hard. x.x But it has dawned on me...I don't have think I'm going to wake up one morning and be okay. And I don't have to work so HARD at it. I just need to keep moving in the right direction and going from there. It's made me feel better, well a lot better. Still stuck financially but I'm going to work on it knowing that I'm not alone in this. Not all and never again.

Tron, Sweet Potatoes, and Reawakenings

So yes to begin first I would like to say that I loved the original Tron even before there was a hint of the Tron Legacy. But when I found out that the movie was around and coming out, man I was pumped! It's beautiful and Daft Punk's work is breathtaking. I called it shiny awesome to one of my friends and it is. Go see it with no expectations. Going into a movie like that or any movie rather with some sort of expectations only sets one up for failure and dislike.

On the healthier side of things, I am so much more focused on getting to the rest of my goal. But I've had to come to terms with the fact that food was such an outlet for most if not all of my stressors. Because of this, my relationship with food and everything that surrounds it has become skewed. Over the past year it has only gotten better and I'm realizing that I need to let things go and deal with stress with other options. Writing, creating art, even cooking healthy meals has become a way of doing this. Reconnecting and actually connecting with friends that I chose to close off from for a long time have only helped. Sweet potatoes are apart of this, surprisingly as it is something that I have begun to CRAVE and want like no one's business. Lol Oh well, cupcake craving or sweet potatoes? I'll take the latter thank you.

As I'm on this journey of reshaping my body it has only dawned on my how much it has been reshaping my entire existence and the things that I have suppressed within me. The things in my life that I tried to deny, i.e. my love of traveling, giving, and actually wanting to connect are finally being allowed to shine. So much had held me back but I'm realizing that the words where there is fear there is no faith are so true. I'm being reawakened to beauty and that I have it. That I actually can be beautiful in my eyes. I'm being reawakened to the fact that I am a passionate person and that isn't a bad thing. I could go on with the things I'm discovering about myself. I like discipline more than I ever thought. I truly do care about my appearance and yes, out of all of this, suddenly it has dawned on me that I can be a priority and it not be selfish. I never thought all of this would be connected but the confidence that I'm beginning to rediscover but in a fresh and new way, is permanent. And real. I'm beginning to see glimpses of the real me and I have to admit I'm excited to me her. Hello my name is Trina. ^_^

Update

Hello and welcome to 2011!! I'm pretty excited about this year and how it's going to go. I'm not sure what's all in store, but I'm definitely trusting God for a wonderful, breathless year of awesome!

An update on the weight. So far I have lost 45pds!! This brings me to my halfway mark and to say I'm excited is an understatement. I'm honestly to excited to really speak but I know I'm just going to keep going. Slow and steady is definitely winning the race. MY bad for counting you out. Lol

Welp, I'm going to go get something yummy to eat (sweet potato and chicken anyone?) I'll be around! ^_^